For many of us who were teenagers in the 2000s, Britney Spears is the VMAs. Not only have her music videos influenced a generation of young girls (for better or for worse), but her headline-making performances at the show always have people talking.
Like you, dear reader, I remember exactly where I was when Britney ripped off her suit and exposed a nude-coloured bra and pants covered in rhinestones to perform “Oops! . . . I Did It Again.” I vividly recall when she danced around that stage holding a giant Burmese python for “I’m a Slave 4 U” (when will your fave?), and I’ll never forget when she kissed Madonna and the camera immediately panned to her ex Justin Timberlake, who was barely keeping himself together in the audience. And even though I shudder to think about the lackluster, half-hearted performance of “Gimme More” that she gave during one of her lowest points in 2007 — the Year We Do Not Speak Of — it doesn’t take away from the fact that Britney Spears has given the VMAs many of its best moments. So in 2011, when MTV announced that they would be honouring the pop star with their coveted Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award, I was thrilled. She more than deserved it
Britney had a considerably tough few years, but by then, she was back and better than ever. She looked amazing, she seemed healthy, happy, and in love, and dammit, I was ready to see Queen Spears get her crown. Given all that (plus the fact that MTV’s promos touted a can’t-miss tribute), I expected something big. But what I got still hurts my feelings, even all these years later. Britney didn’t perform — OK, fine, whatever, I can get over that — but was instead honoured by a group of young dancers who performed choreography to a medley of her hits that was sped up and remixed so aggressively, that I just know it’s playing in a SoulCycle class somewhere.
But the most egregious part was that the tribute was presented by some guy named Jo Calderone. Yes, Lady Gaga (who, by the way, needs a Vanguard Award of her own) for some reason decided it was a good idea to emcee Britney’s event as her male alter ego. Gaga quite impressively stayed in character throughout the tribute; after welcoming Britney to the stage to give an acceptance speech, Jo Calderone proceeded to hit on her, and the ensuing exchange gave me permanent forehead lines from cringing so hard.
